Better Than “The Kanye West Workout Plan”

by Danielle Eliska Lyle

How many times have you promised yourself that you are eating your last bowl of ice cream with homemade brownies? Or that you’ll “get right” after Thanksgiving because your favorite soul food is included on the dining room table spread? Or is it a lingering new year’s resolution without the… resolution?
 
My weakness? Ice cream. It can be dressed up with many delectable accessories—chocolate chip cookies, red velvet cake, apple pie—but a simple bowl of vanilla ice cream has the ability to take me to ecstasy. And yes, it is a slice of heaven to enjoy the little things that make us incandescently happy, but many of us find ourselves indulging in the “little things” a little too much, forcing us to up the “size ante” in our closets.
 
Regardless, when you look in the mirror, you’re still a queen. But if you are unhappy with the reflection, adjust your lifestyle so you can fit into that racy back top you love so much or those smoking hot low-rise jeans.
 
Here are just a few tips to kick-start your change in the right direction.
 
PERSONAL TRAINERS ARE MORE THAN EYE CANDY.

Anybody can Google exercises, but everyone is not equipped to do the 300 Workout Plan. You must discover what’s right for you. A professional personal trainer conducts a pre-workout plan examination to measure your weight and body fat so the best workout regimen is designed to fit you. This is key because it will help you avoid injury. Many are out of commission with a snapped knee ligament from improper squats or a torn rotator cuff from trying to add a few more weights to the bar before that Miami trip.
 
I get it. Believe me. You did it all in the name of that sexy, phucknomenal push-up bra bikini you ordered from Victoria’s Secret a week ago after envisioning your toned body glistening in the sunset—running slow motion along the beach, while dropping jaws and turning heads. But your daydream came to a screeching halt and you are now lying in the emergency room moaning in excruciating pain because you have a herniated disk from performing “Quasimodo-swag” dead lifts. That blows.
 
Good news! You can avoid this nightmare and it’s a simple fix.
If you are a member at a local gym, see if they have discounted specials for a few sessions with a personal trainer instead of attempting an overload on Gerard Butler’s workout plan for your trip to Jamaica in five days.
 
KNOW THY EQUIPMENT.
 
You enter the gym and see all this shiny, high-tech equipment. Your eyes take in more than your body can perform as you watch beach bodies pump iron. You’re instantly inspired. You attempt to conquer every machine in the place. By the end of your haphazard freestyle workout, everyone watches in horror as you stumble from the elliptical machine toward the EMS workers who have to haul you out on a stretcher. This is also where a personal trainer comes into play. After a private session or two, they will have you looking just as good as that chick next to you who has been running at a 4.6 speed and a 15 incline for the last 45 minutes.
 
“I’M JUST GOING TO BYPASS SYLVIA’S IN HARLEM AND HEAD TO THAT FRUIT STAND OVER THERE...”
 
I close my eyes and imagine a plate of macaroni and cheese, potato salad, dressing, greens and smothered chicken with a glass of kool-aid on the side. I smile with great pleasure. And when I open my eyes, I look down and see a plate full of steamed kale, sweet potatoes and a tall glass of water.
 
In the words of my awesome personal trainer, Terry Gilkey, “it’s all about that damn diet!” He didn’t mean “diet” as in, “get-fit-in-10-days-shakes” but a change in eating habits by incorporating healthier foods. A personal trainer will assist with a meal plan that fits your needs. Oh. No. I didn’t say fits your wants or late night cravings, but your needs.
 
“DRANK IN MY CUP!”
 
The more you work out, the more you need a healthy amount of fluid intake. Not just any fluids. The sparkling stuff… yes, yes… that stuff that you say has no taste. H2O. You may hate me for this but it’s true—that bland “drank” has endless health benefits. Go cold turkey on your favorite fruit juices and flavored sodas that stealthily pack on the pounds and “overdose” on water.
 
I know. Sometimes we just need a little sumthin’-sumthin’ to take the edge off of a hard work week—and it’s only Wednesday. Avoid tossing back those Patron shots and $5 Margaritas at happy hour and replace them with a smooth, glass of red wine.
 
If you find yourself hopping around your room like the Easter bunny, trying to get into your favorite pair of jeans—and when you’ve finally buttoned them, you have a full on Duncan Hines muffin top—just know that it is the sweet stuff that’s the culprit. Fight back by monitoring your intake.
 
I know you are rolling your eyes by now and have officially declared me a heartless woman with no soul. But I am living proof that a lifestyle change will do wonders for your health.  As your body transforms, so will your taste buds. You will come to prefer those foods that you used to stuff in a napkin as a kid. After a month of doing the right thing, you will see results. Guaranteed.
 

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